The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
