I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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