i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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