My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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