I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
