My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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