im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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