I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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