I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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