There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
