I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize