The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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