i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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