Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
