I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
