So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
