you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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