Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
