The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just puked most of my soul out..
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