She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
