you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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