She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
