I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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