i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
