She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
