Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
