Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You are the jesus of drinking
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
