Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
