and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
