I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
