i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
