Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
