she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
