My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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