I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
