he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
