If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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