I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
