He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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