I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
