Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
