Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
