Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you had me at cake vodka
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
