Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
