Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
