we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
