You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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