You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
