is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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