Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
