Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
