I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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