I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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My dick has a subreddit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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