He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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