How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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