So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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