i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
