I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
