thus making me awesome and them whores
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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