...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
