I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
