I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
