Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
