Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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