you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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