if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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