i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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