I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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