Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
