Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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